Conflict and Reflection
This article is part of our Mentor-Coach Reading List series. Join the mailing list to receive this and more.
Strong views and opinions are part of what gets you into the executive suite. An executive’s ability to construct the right degree of tension on one hand with synergy and followership on the other is often tested. The difficulty is to shape an environment that is safe enough to promote difference and give a voice to silent questions, but intense enough to create high-performance. One of robust decision-making, with unified decision taking. Where the silos and boundaries don’t work against the organisation.
The tone resonates from the top. While homogeneous teams may be easier to manage, diversity of thought and experience is highly advantageous. The senior team then needs to work together, disagreeing when necessary but resolving those differences to design and deliver coherent, effective strategies. Of course, it helps when people know and recognise how intellectual and interpersonal conflict differ. (KEEP READING: Conflict, Empathy and Opportunity)
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
Who are your “voices of dissent”? What are they saying?
Are you allowing people to feel the appropriate amount of heat? Is there sufficient – or excessive – tension?
Is there too much or too little conflict in your group?
Are you using conflict productively?
What are the circumstances, and what are your judgments about the conflict? Does it feel wrong or bad? Do you believe that the other person is at fault?
Is there anything that is right about the conflict? In other words, can you see intelligence in the conflict?
What truth or truths does the conflict express?
How will you grow by working with the conflict instead of resisting or avoiding it?
HAPPY READING AND STAY CURIOUS!
Here’s more information about the selection of books.
Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict by William Ury. The author of the world’s best-selling book on negotiation draws on his nearly fifty years of experience and knowledge grappling with the world’s toughest conflicts to offer a way out of the seemingly impossible problems of our time. In ‘Possible’, Ury argues conflict is natural. In fact, we need more conflict, not less—if we are to grow, change, evolve and solve our problems creatively. While we may not be able to end conflict, we can transform it—unleashing new, unexpected possibilities. The book introduces Ury’s methods and makes them available for everyone. Combining accessible frameworks and powerful storytelling and offering dozens of examples, it is an essential guide for anyone looking to break through the toughest conflicts—in their workplace, family, community or the world.
Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) by Amy Gallo. Work relationships can be hard. The stress of dealing with difficult people dampens our creativity and productivity, degrades our ability to think clearly and make sound decisions, and causes us to disengage. We might lie awake at night worrying, withdraw from work, or react in ways we later regret—rolling our eyes in a meeting, snapping at colleagues, or staying silent when we should speak up. Gallo identifies eight familiar types of difficult coworkers—the insecure boss, the passive-aggressive peer, the know-it-all, the biased coworker, and others—and provides strategies tailored to dealing constructively with each one. She also shares principles that will help you turn things around, no matter who you're at odds with.
Making Things Right at Work: Increase Teamwork, Resolve Conflict, and Build Trust by Gary Chapman, Jennifer Thomas and Paul White. Workplace conflict is inevitable. When it happens, how can you get back on track? Like all relationships, the ones we have at work are subject to stresses—maybe even fractures that can really take a toll on the workplace. Productivity is lost. Time is wasted. Tension mounts. Cooperation is reduced. And the workplace becomes toxic. What’s the solution? The book helps you learn: how to discern the causes of workplace conflict; how to avoid unnecessary disputes; how to repair relationships when you’ve messed up; how to let go of past hurts and rebuild trust.
Everything Is Workable: A Zen Approach to Conflict Resolution by Diane Musho Hamilton. Conflict is going to be part of your life—as long as you have relationships, hold down a job, or have dry cleaning to be picked up. Bracing yourself against it won’t make it go away, but if you approach it consciously, you can navigate it in a way that not only honours everyone involved but makes it a source of deep insight as well. Seasoned mediator Diane Hamilton provides the skill set you need to engage conflict with wisdom and compassion, and even—sometimes—to be grateful for it. She teaches how to: cultivate the mirror-like quality of attention as your base; identify the three personal conflict styles and determine which one you fall into; recognise the three fundamental perspectives in any conflict situation and learn to inhabit each of them; turn conflicts in families, at work, and in every kind of interpersonal relationship into win-win situations.
The Two But Rule: Turn Negative Thinking Into Positive Solutions by John Wolpert. Veteran tech innovator John Wolpert delivers a hands-on guide to using the principles of Momentum Thinking to get you—and your organisation—unstuck. You’ll learn how to build velocity as you deal with the endless objections and counterarguments that bedevil every innovator and changemaker. You’ll discover how to address common “but” complaints, like “But that’s too expensive,” or “But that won’t work,” at the same time as you refine your idea.. In the book, you’ll also find: explanations for why a “but” statement should always be followed by another “but” statement; discussions of why “toxic positivity” and blind optimism can be just as harmful as constant naysaying; step-by-step strategies for transforming momentum-killing objections into momentum-boosting innovation.
Experiments in Reflection: How to See the Present, Reconsider the Past, and Shape the Future by Leticia Britos Cavagnaro. While we often think of reflection as a way to consider what is or was, it can also be a powerful tool for imagining and shaping what could be. Through activities based on the science, art, and practice of reflection, this book guides you through simple experiments that teach you how to make meaning from your experiences and, as a result, support your goals and values. Stanford professor Leticia Britos Cavagnaro sets up each experiment with a stated hypothesis, a simple method, and direction for gauging your results. With each experiment, you’ll build concrete skills and learn how to shift your mindsets as you strengthen your ability to reflect with purpose. With thought-provoking collage-style illustrations from artist Gabriela Sánchez, ‘Experiments in Reflection’ helps you tune into your environment, train your intuition, and shape the future you want.
FURTHER IDEAS AND LEARNING
EVERY EXECUTIVE NEEDS A TRUSTED SOUNDING BOARD Most executives understand that the higher they are, the more difficult it is to talk about their real issues or concerns – and to do so free from the weight of company expectations. It is even harder to find effective and neutral listeners. Whether the objective is to be more effective in a role, to assess next-level strategies or contribute to a board, it helps to have trusted guidance.
CONFLICT, EMPATHY AND OPPORTUNITY Mentor-Coach Conversation: unaddressed conflict takes on a life of its own, with sides emerging, focus diverted, wrong fights battled and the pushing of competitive bias. In high-trust cultures, people may debate rigorously, but they commit to the best overall future. Constructing the right degree of tension is the challenge.
TRUST: A LEADERSHIP ROADMAP Mentor-Coach Conversation: while it is important not to be naive, a lack of mutual trust derails a business. Sustained trust is an ongoing process that relies on maturity, perspective, empowerment, engagement, ethical behaviour and respectful relationships.
WHERE IS YOUR PROBLEM-SOLVING FOCUS? Mentor-Coach Conversation: try an experiment. Think of three problems you have faced recently. Was your response situational or default? Did you change focus when needed to ensure better solutions and pathways?
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