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Coaching tip: Look after both yourself and the wellbeing of others. Leadership is complex. For people to do their best, deliberate efforts are needed to ease the uncertainties of change, to be thoughtful with the hard decisions, to listen to differing voices and be alert to exclusion.

Executives are often outside their comfort zone straining the boundaries of their ability to adapt. At an individual level, this pressure to remain agile, competent and relevant triggers dilemmas, tensions and paradoxes. It is often an executive's greatest challenge.

Why do some executives cope in these difficult situations and succeed better than others? How do executives become resilient?

Resilient executives know who they are, appreciating their feelings, fears and motivations: "emotions are the values behind our rational decisions." For them, wellbeing results from being positive, an internal locus of control, self-efficacy and sense of self; from having choices and autonomy; from engagement, mutual relationships, meaning and strengths based accomplishment. They know why they feel powerful and powerless.

Resilience requires continual change - the capacity to evolve and adapt - with diverse responses. Above all, it requires being kind to yourself.

Highly realistic, resilient executives know that avoidance, rationalisation and denial won't make it easier. They have an effective life-career paradigm. A coaching conversation on executive resilience covers these five themes:

Purpose

We all want meaning in our lives: to have a purpose, to love, to create, to belong, to achieve one’s potential,  to leave a legacy. Resilient executives are clear and comfortable about what they want to achieve in all domains of life. They have decided what truly matters, have a ‘personal why’ and set their choices accordingly. Meaning is created. While there are many definitions of success, resilient executives define success at a very personal level. They accept that choice means compromise, ‘no regrets’ and letting go of the guilt. They are true to what they value and what is important. They are accountable to whom they want to be.

Perspective

Believing they are free to choose their attitude and frame of mind no matter the situation is fundamental. They don’t work against themselves. They can look at themselves and what is happening from a distance. They monitor implicit and explicit emotional contagion and emotional re-infection. Knowing what they’re feeling, they can name the emotion. By acting out more positive gestures or screening negative ‘self talk’, they change their mood. They have a script that shapes their way of thinking and have the reinforcing language when talking internally and publicly. Adept at re-framing or shifting their focus from the problem to the solution, they can also shift their time orientation (past, present, or future) or its hue (positive or negative). They protect the environment around them so that it reinforces their choices and long-term best interest.

Partnership

Each of us is dependent on a balance of relationships. Successful executives don't 'go it alone.' These partnerships and coalitions matter as a support system. Resilient executives know that these core contacts develop organically and over time, so approach it as a way of life rather than a transactional activity. Above all, they know sustainable and strong relationships thrive on mutual discretion, respect and trust. Whether they are team members, champions, allies, networks, advisors or mentors, shared value and reciprocation is the currency. To be successful, they keep the other person's needs in mind. It's not about them - it is considering others and keeping an eye open for ways to help them.

Executives do their best thinking in quiet time, talking to themselves. The best way to talk to yourself is to talk to another person. A trusted person to feel safe with, who helps articulate inner dialogues. A sounding board who gives space for reflection and vulnerability. A professional who helps you voice doubts or silent questions while helping assess solutions

Priority

We all have many roles, among others, family member, partner, parent, friend, team member, manager, colleague, committee member and volunteer. Each has varying levels of importance and varying demands. Resilient executives truly decide what these mean to them, what effort and energy they are prepared to invest and the quality of outcomes. They are clear on their boundaries and limits, while still being successful and achieving goals for career, family, life and health. They can answer candidly questions like: Why am I doing this? What do I really value? What is important? How do I make a difference? How much is enough (time, tasks or money)? They also know their style and personality type being aware of preferences and reactions to deadlines, change, pressure, communication and workloads.

Sustained results rely on: trust, strong team, adaptability, curiosity, learning, collaboration, resilience, agility, leverage strengths, offset weaknesses, situational use of power, outside-in focus, kindness and protecting time. (Coaching Conversations)

Pause

In order to change direction, you need to stop. Use the ‘pause’ or ‘freeze frame’ to notice what is really happening ‘from the balcony.’ The most resilient do not hesitate to stop and take note. They use the ‘pause’ to recharge, regain composure and visualise success. They know what energises, what drains and where their imbalance or stress comes from. They can pace themselves. For them, time has as an opportunity-cost. They find the patterns, mapping out what they know. With back-up plans and well-developed options they don’t sacrifice time, rituals or activities that help them relax and lessen the tension.

A final reflection

Look after the resilience and wellbeing of others. Leadership is complex. For people to do their best deliberate efforts are needed to ease the uncertainties of change, to be thoughtful with the hard decisions, to listen to differing voices and be alert to exclusion.

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EXECUTIVE RESILIENCE